


Hope You Know This 'Aint Easy For Me

by resevoirinhereyes



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Eating Disorder, Issues, Self Harm, Sorry Not Sorry, This Is Sad, horrible mum
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-08 12:40:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13458471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/resevoirinhereyes/pseuds/resevoirinhereyes
Summary: Louis mum hates Harry and it leads to terrible things.





	Hope You Know This 'Aint Easy For Me

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this entire thing while listening to novels by rusty clanton. Also if this is triggering i'm sorry but this is literally my life.

His mum had found out. She’d sent text after text to Harry telling him how wrong he was for the things he had done. 

Louis sat awake that night, numb from the world and it wasn’t until the following morning he let himself go. Silent tears rolled down his cheeks as he got to the bus stop and sat next to the girl on the bus who insisted on talking even when Louis wanted nothing more for her to just shut the fuck up. 

When he arrived at school he ran to Harry expecting nothing different but when Louis ran into Harry’s arms for a hug he pushed him away slightly and said no. Louis had burst into tears and Harry had held him anyway. He went to class. 

He spent the day with tears rolling down his cheeks. Teachers gave him weird looks, and students were whispering behind his back. He didn’t care. At lunchtime Harry came rushing over with a piece of paper in his hand and quickly gave it to Louis before sprinting off again. Louis opened it and read it and he started sobbing. It was a song and Louis knew this was going to happen. That’s why he hates his mum. 

He didn’t eat all day. 

He went home and angry red artwork appeared on his stomach. His gross, fat stomach. 

 

He came to school the next day and wrote Harry a letter explaining what had happened and the thoughts that were going on in his head. Harry came over that lunchtime and made Louis promise not to make artwork again and if he did he would do it too. If Louis were to relapse so would Harry have to and vice versa. It was a deal they thought would work, but in time realised was stupid and did nothing because when louis was in that head space nothing could drag him out, not even the thought of hurting his best friend. 

 

On Wednesday, it was athletics day and Louis had just finished his race, coming second. He was pissed off that his stupid leg played up, making him lose the race. 

When Louis got back to his friends, his other friend Niall told him that Harry was right ready to beat up the bitch that bet him in that race. It helped to know that Harry still couldn’t control the instinct to protect and to help even though he was trying to distance himself. 

Later that day Harry caved and ended up snuggling up to Louis. Louis then discovered that Harry hadn’t eaten in 20 hours and bought him a strawberry milk because he just needed to get something into Harry. He knew how it felt to starve and he didn’t want to bestow that upon anyone. It was the most horrible feeling even if it did make Louis feel mentally good. 

Harry said to Louis that he was still going to sit with his other friends and keep this up as long as he could. They would still write letters, he said and they did. Constantly. 

 

That Friday Harry found out that Louis hadn’t been eating lunch or breakfast. Louis, before this stuff happened, would still eat breakfast and sometimes ate at school, but nope, not while losing his best friend. 

So, Harry chased Louis around the yard trying to get him to eat a muesli bar and louis would just not give in. Eventually Niall got involved and told a teacher that Louis wouldn’t eat and the teacher came and asked him a bunch of questions. Are you keeping track of your food? Yes. Are you concerned about your body image? Yes. Are you trying to lose weight? Yes. It was so nerve wracking being cornered by a teacher like that. The teacher said they would go out for lunch, his shout, and he would have to eat all of it. Louis was scared shitless. 

The teacher never followed him up on that. 

 

Now a year later both of them (Harry and Louis) didn’t eat. Harry tried eating. He really did. He tried pushing Louis away again but it just didn’t work. They needed each other no matter how bad they were for each other. Everyone could see it. They weren’t blind. Everyone could see they were the closest of friends and what they had was special. Even if Louis dragged Harry into this whole eating thing. 

Louis wishes every day that he could stop the thoughts. Stop counting calories and thinking how big the gap was between his legs. How much weight he still wanted to lose and how he was going to fake his food for that day. He really wishes he could. And he wished the same for Harry. 

But as they say, once you start you can never stop. So best to go full steam ahead and give your best effort than not try at all. Even if it meant endangering yourself and the ones you love.


End file.
